How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
