Having a random hookup so left but love u
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
