It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
