Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
