Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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