so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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