I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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