K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
