i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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