best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
