youre lurking in front of me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
