WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
