I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
