I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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