It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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