i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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