Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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