My Higher Power is John Stamos
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
do nipples grow back?
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