I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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