he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
