I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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