Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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