When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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