i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
