Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
