found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
