Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
