He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
