I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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