I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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