I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
