Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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