after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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