He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
