You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
