We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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