you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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