I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
