There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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