I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.