Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.