Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.