yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
