She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
