matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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