hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
