The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
where does the pee come out of this thing
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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