Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
