I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
