When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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