just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
