If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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