Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
