Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
