I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This toilet bowl is my home.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
