Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
where are you?
Hypothermia
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
