WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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