Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
