It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
