so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
