there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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