Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
