Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
