i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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