What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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