I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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