i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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