The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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