I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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