Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
