So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
