2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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